Is chemistry really what you should be looking for in a partner?
While the statement holds some truth to it, it’s a dangerous game to be choosing your partner solely on this. The reality of it is that this is one of the leading reasons people get into and stay in a toxic relationship.
“In reality, chemistry, both scientific and interpersonal, is essential, dangerous, and made up of elements that can’t be changed; it’s something we can’t ignore or do without,” says Micheal, a psychiatrist.
We hold onto this notion because it’s exhilarating. This generally causes us to lose sight of what is and isn’t acceptable in our connections. We often rationalize legitimate feelings that our relationships might not be working out because we have a lot in common with our partner.
“There’s no point in having a relationship without chemistry, but there are many valid reasons fro avoiding a relationship with chemistry, such as when it’s with a jerk, makes you forget your values, or has no hope of improvement.”
Often times we have a large amount of chemistry with the worst people for us. This causes people to accept their type is a “bad boy”. They keep us on our toes, which is exciting and feels good in the moment. Additionally, we are often too afraid to tap into ourselves and realize these are issues.
Attention and romance are not more important tan a meaningful relationship and family. This doesn’t mean you should settle, you can still engage in a healthy relationship without sacrificing an intense attraction to your partner.
The reason these realtionships end is they become stagnant. You become bored once the excitement wears off and you’ll find yourself noticing the underlying issues of your relationship. The truth of the matter is that every relationship will eventually become routine, which is often lumped in the boring category. It’s completely normal to end a relationship for such a reason, but it becomes an issue when you are more likely to end a partnership over these things rather than work on resolving them.
At the end of the day, the answer to the question we asked at the beginning falls under both “it depends” and “yes and no”. You need chemistry to enjoy your relationship fully, but an emphasis on having complete chemistry is likely sabotaging relationships that would work out before they even have a chance. Keep this in mind when your deciding on whether to continue dating your next partner.