Why Some of Us Take Breakups Harder Than Others

Let’s be straight, breakups are nerve wrecking, hard and emotionally draining. Some people have the ability to cruise in and out of a relationship without a hair out of place and then there are some of us who treat it like a life and death situation and find it hard to deal with the aftermath.

It’s been two years since my friend broke up with her boyfriend of five years. The experience shook her and she hasn’t been in a relationship since then. While most people empathize and understand her taking the time to recover from a relationship that lasted so long, they don’t exactly understand why this breakup was so hard for her. To her, it was not about the time she invested in the relationship, it was about the fact that she gave it her all. Those who give their entire selves to a relationship, holding nothing back and nurturing the bond with an open heart, tend to get hurt the most.

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It is the emotional betrayal that is hard to handle. Stemming from the fact that the partner held back and treated the whole relationship as a chart sheet for check and balance, my friend went through a series of phases from “I have to become an emotional popsicle” to “I am hurting, because I gave everything to my relationship and I have nothing left.”

Breakups are really hard for individuals who find themselves at a crossroads with their partners, seeking different things from the future. Perception and statistics dictate that after two dates either everything should be well and move forward or there is no third date. The relationship evolves at different speeds in the minds of different individuals. People who have the mindset of looking into the future tend to get hurt the most with a breakup. It becomes harder to let go as the have built up a future already in their head.

For some of us, rejection is strongly associated to our self-worth. Confidence tends to boost up when praise is delivered, followed by plummeted self-confidence when someone declares they no longer want to be with you. The breakup is no longer about them but about you and you begin to wonder why you are not worthy of their love anymore. The reality is most breakups are based on incompatibility or lack of spark. Some people realize this, making them less affected by a breakup.

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